Sunday, December 18, 2011

it's like, suddenly i'm able to see you perfectly.

....everytime i hear this song.

***

 
***


"If you think you're ready, I will lead you now  
To a field where it's buried, somewhere underground  
All good things in time, I know we'll be fine   
Buried underneath, you are all I see, 
you are all I see, you are all I see
All good things in time, I know we'll be fine  
Buried underneath, you are all I see, 
you are all I see, you are all I see"---Active Child, on: 'You Are All I See'









Saturday, December 10, 2011

insanely romantic.

Sebuah pertanyaan terlontar : "Kita sudah gila ya, sayang?"

Saya tertawa. Buat saya, itu pertanyaan paling romantis yang pernah diucapkan seseorang. Karena pertanyaan itu gila. Dan saya suka menjadi gila. Apalagi tidak sendirian.

"Well, i think we have passed that phase. Now is the time to maintain the thoughts, and stay insane, baby..."

***

***

"We spent some time
together walking
Spent some time just talking
about who we were
You held my hand so
very tightly
And told me what we
could be dreaming of

There’s nothing like you and I
There’s nothing like you and I
So why do I even try?
"
---The Perishers, on : 'Nothing Like You and I'

birthday : a day with the word 'birth' in front of it.

Being 21 was suck. Everybody didn't count you as an adult.
Being 24 even worse. Everybody told you to grow up, while you didn't want to.
What should i say about being 25, i still don't know. But, it surely started with a buzz that i less expected and a lot of positive energy.

***

Thank you family members, friends, and colleagues. Without all of you, for me, birthday is just another day.

24/10/11
[photos : @vanlim_]

Sunday, November 13, 2011

we just want to have a good time.

Dua orang perempuan berkeliaran di daerah Cipete. Satunya berambut panjang acak-acakan. Satunya lagi berambut pendek, juga acak-acakan. Seringnya, mereka duduk-duduk sambil kegerahan di 711, atau makan sop patin di kedai Disto, tepat di bawah sebuah speaker ajaib yang selalu sigap memutar lagu, untuk mengiringi arah pembicaraan mereka.

Dan bila berhubungan dengan mereka, arah pembicaraan itu bisa seperti sebuah perjalanan misterius ke negeri dongeng. Bisa berakhir di mana saja.

***

Yang penting senang. Itu sih motto mereka. Kurang lebih. Senang itu relatif memang. Buat mereka apalagi. Sekedar punya koleksi lagu baru untuk mengisi iTunes dan membahas film-film menarik yang akan dirilis, sudah bisa membuat mereka nyengir-nyengir kegirangan. Apalagi kalau bisa berkarya pakai hati, menjadi terkenal, dan pergi jalan-jalan ke luar negeri. Lebih-lebih kalau bisa berada di barisan terdepan konser Coldplay. 

***

Akhir-akhir ini mereka punya ritual baru. Masih di bilangan Cipete. Setiap pagi ,yang satu akan menunggu di depan kantornya, bersiap untuk saling melambai, ketika yang lainnya lewat mengendarai mobil menuju kantornya sendiri. Semuanya dilakukan sambil bicara lewat telepon, yang baru akan berakhir saat masing-masing harus mulai bekerja.

Kata seseorang, "Kalian itu seperti kakak adik, yah. Tepatnya seperti kakak adik yang masih sekolah SD."

Mungkin memang begitu ya. Mereka menolak merasa tua. Dan berjanji untuk saling mengingatkan, bahwa menari diiringi lagu-lagu bagus itu perlu dilakukan sesekali. Sekarang. Sampai kapanpun.

***

"Some people want to burn the world with their greed, we just want to have a good time."
The unpublished mixtape on 8tracks.

[weheartit.com]

Her Morning Elegance-Oren Lavie
Everything's Not Lost-Coldplay
The Call-Regina Spektor
Can't Go Back Now-The Weepies
Be OK!-Ingrid Michaelson
Two of Us-Aimee Man
Just a Ride-Jem
Good Time-Brazillian Girls
Down River-The Temper Trap
Surrender-Float
We Are Kids-Lacrosse


***

"Sometimes you're up
Sometimes you're down
It's just a ride, it's just a ride
Don't be scared now
Dry your eyes
It may feel so real inside
But don't forget enjoy the ride " --- Jem, on : 'Just a Ride'

Friday, November 11, 2011

flawlessly perfect.


You always say that i'm super stunning.
But baby, i swear to the rabbit feet,
i do nothing to be stunning.
I always see you as freakingly charming.
But baby, i know you just crossed fingers
not trying to charmed anyone.

You give me a kiss for cute stupid things that i do.
But honey, i know there will be time that i'm just stupid.
I give you a song that you're gonna sing a long to.
But honey, i know there will be time that you just hate it.

(***)
You're the closest to perfect that I know.
But you know, someone can't be entirely flawless.
We're the closest to perfect that I know.
But I'm sure we know, we can't be entirely flawless.
That's how we can be flawlessly perfect.

And when you told me i'm no longer stunning,
Just please hold the feeling
Let's trace back the moments we've had
Treasure them forever as our flawlessly perfect signs...

***

[weheartit.com]

...it's the feeling of you, as my pair.

Friday, October 14, 2011

paranoid club.

"Are you sure you're the heroine of your own story, instead of just a supporting role, to complete someone else's story?"
***

Kadang-kadang aneh sekali rasanya menghadapi kenyataan, bahwa suka atau tidak, kehidupan kita ini akan selalu beririsan dengan kehidupan orang lain. Mulai dari cara yang paling sederhana, hingga cara yang paling rumit, seperti di film-film semacam serendipity.

Keputusan saya, memilih kaos bunga-bunga yang membuat saya menghabiskan 30 menit untuk berdandan, dan akhirnya terlambat berangkat ke kantor, bisa saja mempengaruhi kehidupan orang lain. Siapa saja. Sopir angkot yang harus berhenti beberapa detik untuk memberi jalan pada mobil saya, tukang nasi uduk yang dagangannya tidak jadi saya beli karena sudah tidak ada waktu, atau bahkan petugas tol yang harus menahan pipis sebentar karena harus melayani pembayaran saya dulu.

A simple tinniest decision we've made, affect others.
***

Then, how can you be sure, that the life you're living now, is designed personally for you ? How about, if at the end, it's just a little unimportant scene, from a bigger story, that not even yours?

And all the sadness, fuzz, craziness, --any other mixed feelings that you feel all along--what's the importance of it all ?
***

We laughed our ass off, my friend and I. The idea of 'our complicated story is just a part of someone else's happy ending' stabbed us right on the heart. What we have now are weird enough, we don't need them to be any weirder.

But then, another friend barged in. He said, "Over the years, I came to conclusion : It doesn't matter anymore whose story ends how. Just keep swimming. Like Dory the fish said."

We laughed louder. I ended up our late night discussion, and went to sleep in agony.


 [weheartit.com]

***

"God is a music enthusiast, who put the soundtrack to our life. God is a director, who put the twist to our story. But, what kind ? Let's just assume, not the lazy one."

"It's so easy from above  
You can really see it all  
People who belong together 
Lost and sad and small  
But there's nothing to be done for them 
It doesn't work that way  
Sure we all have soulmates but we walk past them every day, oh no ..." --'From Above', Ben Folds & Nick Hornby.

***
*dedicated to bule and budi. Last night's twit-group-discussion bugging me a lot. hahaha.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

a {not soo} simple multiple choices.

"Ummm... could I be your boyfriend ? I like you..."
***

Saya nyengir seperti anak kecil kegirangan saat menerima pesan itu. Bukan hanya karena saya sudah sangat kangen mendengar kalimat seperti itu diucapkan kepada saya, tapi terlebih lagi, karena kalimat tadi seperti dirangkai oleh seorang anak ingusan yang sedang jatuh cinta, lalu tanpa pikir panjang, memutuskan untuk mengucapkannya saja.

***

Perjalanan cinta saya dimulai dari umur yang sangat muda. Mungkin sekitar kelas 5 SD. Dewasa terlalu cepat dulu kata orang tua saya. Tapi nyatanya, meskipun sudah mulai berani cinta-cintaan, saya ingat dulu saya masih tidak paham artinya.

Kalau tertarik sama lawan jenis, nah itu pasti namanya cinta. Sederhana saja.

Belum lagi kata-kata cinta yang diucapkan. Jauh lebih sederhana lagi. Sesederhana soal pilihan berganda, yang jawabannya hanya  a, b, atau c. As in fact, there was a boy back then, asking me to be his girlfriend through a piece of paper with a multiple choices question in it.

"Gue suka sama elo. Mau nggak jadi pacar gue ?

Jawab ya :
a. Mau
b. Nggak
c. Ragu-ragu"


That poor little guy, i circled the answer 'C' with my pencil. And he started to act really awkward in front of me, until he discovered, that i managed to have a real boyfriend--that i said 'yes' to--not long after.


Saya masih suka tertawa geli kalau ingat kejadian itu. Because i guess, he had a really good point in that piece of paper. He simplified love for us, long before he knew what love really means.
***

Mungkin pada dasarnya, cinta memang semudah itu. Cinta, tidak cinta, atau, yah apesnya, ragu-ragu. Sayangnya dalam kehidupan nyata, cuma ada dua jawaban untuk pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang berhubungan dengan cinta, yaitu dua jawaban pertama. Sedangkan kalau nyata-nyatanya yang dirasakan adalah yang ketiga, seringkali lupa untuk diungkapkan.

Lalu yang keluar adalah pertimbangan-pertimbangan rasional, tentang apa dan kenapa saya harus bersama dia atau tidak bersama dia. Padahal yang dibutuhkan hanya satu alasan irasional. Namanya adalah keyakinan.

A certain unexplainable feeling, that gonna decide everything for you eventually. Just like that.

***

"Well, i like the idea of you as my boyfriend, because i'm sure you're the right one."

 [weheartit.com]

***

"a bloody gorgeous man pours bloody mary into my glass
he asked me a couple questions of courtesy
and for god’s sake he stunned me
his voice so sweet like the mellow sound of saxophone
I bet he’s good at sex on the phone

oh I just only see, perhaps you’ll find your zsa zsa zsu

we are a perfect match, cause we will become a featured cast
I suppose, I suppose, we supposed..."
---taken from : 'Zsa Zsa Zsu'-Rock N Roll Mafia.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

what-so-called art : a new look.

"Art is subject to arbitrary fashion." ---Kary Mullis.

And every once a while, a girl needs to refresh her look. In between her bustle writing what's in her mind down, she manage to compose a new what-so-called artwork.

Now, it's time for a little change around. Enjoy!

***

the old piece









***
the new one. (yippikaayay!)

***

*all being composed on www.polyvore.com

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

catharsis to your lost soul.

and a friend asked, if i believe in karma. I said, i didn't believe those kind of things. I believe shits happen. for a reason.

***

Even if it's a chronic loneliness that you can't bare any longer.
Even if it's a constant weariness you feel without any particular reason.
Even if it's a suicidal tendencies you grow inside your head, just because you can't stand the pain in your heart.

Never loose a grip. Hold on to the faith. That somehow, shits are meant to be flushed down the toilet.

***

"lonely lonely that was you, lonely and so untrue."
8tracks mixtape as a catharsis to your lost soul.



End of The World-Best Coast
Use Somebody-Bat For Lashes
Lonely Lonely-Feist
Wooden Heart-The Duke Spirit
Satellite-Eliott Smith
Take My Heart-Soko
Asleep-Emily Browning
Terrible Love-The National
Unrequited Love-Lykke Li
Paradise Circus-Massive Attack
Zebra-Beach House


***

"I wake up in the morning and I wonder,
Why everything's the same as it was.
I can't understand. No, I can't understand,
How life goes on the way it does." --- Skeeter Davis, on : 'The End of The World'

***

*image take from : weheartit.com

Thursday, September 8, 2011

listening to radiohead and filling in the thougths of you into it.

talking about sting, and suddenly missing you.
i'm no longer sad, i'm just mad about you. i guess.

***

[“Synchonicity,” The Police Album Art. 1983.]

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

a mixtape story.


"making mixtapes is not like making buildings. No need to calculate, just feel it, and it will grow strong."

***

and when i made my first mixtape for you, i feel miserable. When it supposed to be something romantic, what i think about was only tragic. I put all the song one by one, and i felt like opening our story back from where it started. The absurd coincidence, that leads us to something even more than sentimental. Something surreal that i can't even describe until this very moment, and yet still making me shiver.

i felt like we are made to be together, but that's too far from reality.

***

"Well you might be a bit confused
And you might be a little bit bruised
But baby how we spoon like no one else

Lets get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France
Lets get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance
Lets get rich and build a house on a mountain making everybody look like ants
From way up there, you and I, you and I..." --- Ingrid Michaelson, 'You and I'.


image taken from www.weheartit.com

***

*if you feel like listening to something, check the mixtape here.

Monday, August 8, 2011

almost nothing.

Dia terbangun dari tidur dengan perasaan tidak karuan. Mungkin akibat tidurnya memang tidak terlalu nyenyak, mungkin juga akibat satu kata, yang diucapkan begitu saja tepat sebelum ia memejamkan mata. 'Almost'.
***

Selalu ada 'hampir' dalam setiap cerita.
Hampir berkenalan, tapi ternyata si perempuan sudah punya pacar. Hampir jadian, tapi ternyata si laki-laki mundur teratur setelah bertemu calon mertua galak. Hampir menikah, tapi ternyata salah satu mempelai mengalami last minute panic attack, dan membatalkan semuanya. Hampir berhasil bunuh diri, tapi ternyata obat nyamuk yang diminum kurang banyak.


'Hampir' itu mungkin romantis (juga tragis). Tapi untuk dia, 'hampir' itu sudah terlalu basi.
***

Dalam cerita ini, 'hampir' hampir selalu muncul di saat-saat yang tepat--atau mungkin saja tidak tepat. Selalu berhasil mencegah mereka dari apapun yang dia inginkan untuk terjadi.Hampir dipertemukan. Hampir benar-benar menjadi kenyataan. Hampir menjadi satu.

Dan puncaknya pagi tadi. Katanya, "I almost ask you to wait for me."
Dia menjawab, "Just ask me, and I'll wait, whatever it takes."
Lalu, "....".
***

Dia berpikir lagi dan menambahkan, "Maybe you forgot. I've been here all the time. I wait."
Dia tahu, yang dia butuhkan hanya permintaan itu. Karena, jika sudah diminta, itu artinya hanya masalah waktu.
And when the time finally come, then 'almost' is nothing but a silly excuse.

*** 


Wednesday, August 3, 2011

love-hate : to love and to hate equaly.

And there I am. Sitting unproper on my office cubicle, listening to Adhitia Sofyan's old album, 'Quiet Down'.
As i'm drown into the album, something in it left me with this uncertain feeling. About--euh i hope it could be about someone special, but apparently it's not--Bandung.

Yes, about my complicated love-hate relationship with that city.

***

I opened up my notepad, and i can't even finish what i've been writing. Blame this unromantic not-gloomy-enough city. I want my inspirations back. Where i could find anywhere in the other city. Even when i did nothing, sitting in the dark at my cozy room, or when i'm out with some closest friends, sitting on the corner of a tiny street cafe, drinking a glass of sweet iced tea. The wind breeze, the city light, and the irritating night hour, when everything got closed down straight at 10 PM. The gig, the music, the movement. People with unconventional sense of fashion, bikers, and the dreamers. The street food, the factory outlets, and distros. All the things that i usually hate about that city.

I'm on a sentimental mode, missing my old home like a child.

It's ironic. Because technically, I'm home now. But why i still got a home sick ?

***

Maybe i love Bandung, as much as i hate the plainness and boredoom it sometimes brings. Maybe i don't know how much its worth, until it's gone. Maybe i just miss Bandung, but i don't really want to admit it...

***

The city of flowers been waiting so long
Life too short you could’ve been shot
Remember this time, leave your troubles behind

So here we go we’re going to a place
At the rainbows end to put some colors back on you
Let me be the gold and I will put the shine on you
"City of Flowers-Adhitia Sofyan"
 

*And it remains mystery, why Adhitia Sofyan that reminds me of you (beyond the fact that he made a song about you to cheer up a girl)

Friday, July 29, 2011

another heart, another head.

have you ever feel so full and heavy.
Wishing for another head to share your weariness.
Longing for other shape of heart, that could be loaded with stupid things you've done.

I've been there.

And somehow, all those kind of madness, they just need to be left behind.
Don't over think it. Just let go.

So you could moving on, and be the hero of your own story.

***

When there's a burning in your heart
An endless yearning in your heart
Build it bigger than the sun
Let it grow, let it grow
When there's a burning in your heart
Don't be alone

When there's a doubt in your mind

Cause you're thinkin' all the time
Framin' rights into wrongs
Move along, move along
When there's a doubt in your mind

When there's a burning in your heart

And you think you'll burst apart
Oh, there's nothing to fear
Save the tears, save the tears
When there's a burning in your heart

And when you feel like you're a tourist

In the city you were born
Then it's time to go
And define your destination
With so many different places
To call home
Cause when you find yourself a villain
In this story you have written
It's plain to see
That sometimes the best intentions
Are in need of redemptions
Would you agree?

"You're A Tourist"- Death Cab For Cutie

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

you're my penguin.

Penguin, a black and white tuxedo-ish bird, that can't fly. Most likely mistaken as a north pole based animal. And often considered as cute, except in Batman comics. They have a lot more confusing facts--not to mention the irony about their wings, that apparently are better used for swimming, rather for flying--But, one thing they know for sure : finding soulmate. They have an extreme point of view in relationship. they're religiously monogamous.

"When a penguin finds mate, it stays forever. They mate for life."


It's just a thought, but maybe, i would like to re-incarnate myself to a penguin. So, i don't have to worry about, wether my soulmate is gonna stay or not....

***

"Can you find the time
to let your lover love you
He only wants to show you
The things he wants to learn too
The hardest parts you'll get through
And in the end you'll have your best friend

Love like this may come once
Baby it's fate
Like a soul mate he's your penguin
Baby it's fate
Baby it's fate
Not luck

Can you find the time to let your lover hold you
He needs somebody to hold to
His love is strong and so true
His arrows aiming for you
And he's the one that you were born to love


Love like this is all I want
Baby were fate
Love like this may come once
Baby were fate
Like a soul mate your my penguin
Baby were fate
Baby it's fate
Not luck..."

taken from 'Penguin'; by. Christina Perri

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

personality traces on your desk.

"...people judge others by their cover. I judge pople by their shoes. Yes, your shoes. Because i think shoes never lies."
           --taken from : shoes judging method.

are you have enough of me, telling how shoes could be the most accurate measurement to your personality ? Well, eventually, the old theory has a contender.

Something comes up in my mind, while i'm staring at my current working space. It has just been a month and a half, since i first occupy the cubicle, but i already could see my personality traces everywhere. Even it hasn't been personalized much yet, it can tell that i'm a heavy smoker, with a spicy tounge, that being shown by an ashtray full of cigarette butts and a bottle of super spicy sauce, laying unorganized on my desk (and that's another thing, showing that I'm an unorganized person myself).i begin to take a little deeper to others working spaces around me. And of course, more or less, they also have the owner's personality traces.

And here the theory goes : "do judge people by their working spaces."

 If you take more attention, you'll know who your working mates really are, or even knowing yourself better...
***

Here are my poor attempt to capture my previous working spaces, at work and at home. Care to guess my personality ?


My messy desk at the previous office. 
I think the CDs burried my personality away.



 
here's my--other--messy desk at the old room. There's no CDs, but more DVDs. 
And, NO, it's not the same. 
There's a pretty big differences between CD and DVD.

And, this is (hopefully be) me, with (hopefully be) my writing partner, 
working together at (hopefully be) our (own) working space.

pict taken from : www.theselby.com  
(creative people at their creative space) 

***


* I'll show you my recent working space later. It needs to be personalized a little bit more (means : adding a stack of either CDs or DVDs, and some sort of things)

Friday, July 15, 2011

dream and run.

When something started, we dream a lot.

But, when suddenly those dreams are about to come true, we choose to end them with our own distrust...

...and running away.
***

I'm not. I wait.

Because i believe all my dreams, even the silliest one...

...right from the beginning.

***

Everybody needs a someone
Waitin’ to be there when things are a-lookin’ down
So if you feel a little lonely
Go out, find your one and only
Somewhere out there
Someone will care for you and then...
Never let her go
Never let her go

You may wonder how you know love
When the moment comes that you’ve been a-dreamin’ of
Well true love takes a little longer
Your heart beats a little stronger
You’ll know it’s real
Inside you’ll feel you’re home at last... then
Never let her go
Never let her go

So if you feel a little lonely
Go out, find your one and only
Open your heart
Give love a start and watch it grow... and
Never let her go
Never let her go


"Never Let Her Go" by : Bread.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Memulai [Sendirian] Mengakhiri

packing up my things into boxes.
packing up my life to another stage.

***

2004
Memulai semuanya sendirian.
Lulus SMA, berusaha keluar dari rumah, sejauh mungkin. Ingin bertualang.
End up only 2 hours away from home, Bandung.

2005
Menjadi mahasiswi sejati.
Kuliah pagi, dan begadang hingga pagi.

2006
Termakan omongan sendiri, setiap kali pulang kampung dan lewat daerah Jati Nangor, "Ih, daerah apa ini. I would never live in such a place!"
Pindah ke JatiNangor dengan berurai air mata.

2007
Somehow, making my way into a radio business.And stay there for several years later.
2008
Mendapatkan pekerjaan ter-enak di dunia. Music Director. I basically just listening to the music all day, choose them as my heart desire.

2009
Baru teringat bahwa sudah terlambat setahun untuk lulus kuliah.
Mulai kebosanan dengan Bandung, bertekad untuk hidup di Bali.

2010
Baru teringat lagi, bahwa sudah terlambat dua tahun untuk lulus kuliah.
Lost & found. Sleepless & inspired.
Mencetuskan sebuah (soon to be) masterpiece.
Melakukan sebuah perjalanan gila.
Had myself inked.
Mendapat pelajaran, bahwa hal-hal. terbaik dalam hidup, justru terjadi saat kita kehilangan.

2011
Baru teringat lagi, bahwa sudah terlambat 3 tahun untuk lulus kuliah, dan hampir DO. Tidak menyesal sama sekali, meskipun akhirnya harus menyelesaikan semuanya dengan susah payah, di detik-detik terakhir.
Memutuskan resign dari dunia radio yang sangat disukai, dan masuk ke dunia yang sepenuhnya baru.
Menemukan moment yang tepat untuk keluar dari Bandung.
No, apparently not Bali.
Pulang. Ke Jakarta.
Mengakhiri semuanya, sendirian.

***

Semua itu disertai dengan bumbu-bumbu percintaan platonik, pertemanan absurd, perjumpaan surreal, suara tawa, derai tangis, teriakan kesal, wajah-wajah hangat, serta sekumpulan lirik-lirik lagu, yang terbungkus dalam kesederhanaan dan dinginnya malam-malam di kota Bandung.

Too many memories in that town.
I would need millions of box to pack it up.
I decided to leave it all behind, and just keep them in my heart.


***

"...Finally we have seen some things

Some awfully nice
Some dreadfully bad
But we will sing
Wash the blood off our knees
Cause our love breaks through rough seas our ship will sail
And I don't understand how this world would work
Cause time will tell us nothing
I'll take a chance on something

Feeling old, feelings this time take you
Down river, down river, down river, down
Walk these stairs, put the pieces back together
Go don't stop, go don't stop, go don't stop now, go..."
---Taken from : Down River, By : The Temper Trap




Saturday, May 21, 2011

about [...] and [....]

“Now, there's a man and a woman.

He's a cook, she's a waitress.

Now, they meet

and they don't connect,

only she noticed him,

he could feel it, and he noticed her


and they both knew

it was gonna happen.

They made love

and for maybe one whole night,

they forgot the million things

that make people think

"I don't love this person,

"I don't like this person,

I don't know this..."

Instead, it was perfect

and they were perfect

and that's all there was

to know about it.

Only now, she's beginning

to forget all that

and maybe he'll forget it, too.


So could you play an encore

for [....] and [....]

in the hope of something that ought

to last and not self-destruct?”

------- by : Terrence McNally

*Please feel free to fill the blanks with your names

Monday, May 16, 2011

hujan sore tadi.

refleksi kehidupan tidak pernah begitu terasa, untuk saya, si sentimentil bertopeng realis. Saya hanya percaya, kehidupan itu perlu dijalani, dengan cara terus maju.

Setidaknya, sampai sore tadi...

***

Sebuah telepon berdering. Milik saya. Nomornya tidak dikenal, tapi saya langsung tahu dari kode area nya, mungkin ini penting.

Saya mengurunkan niat tidak menerima telepon tersebut, dan menerimanya dengan semanis yang saya bisa. Untungnya memang tidak butuh basa basi, saya kemudian diberi tahu, sebuah kabar baik yang saya tunggu mungkin sedang terjadi.

Dada saya berdegup seperti sedang berlari menaiki tangga, dan perut saya terasa pindah ke dada.

Sebuah kemungkinan baru semakin dekat dengan kenyataan (semoga). I crossed my fingers, and i looked outside. The rain was pouring beautifuly. and suddenly, i fell in love with the rain.

***

Dalam hujan sore tadi, saya melihat butiran-butiran air mata saya sendiri. Yang pernah turun deras karena sakitnya, dan kadang meleleh perlahan-lahan, karena hal-hal manis terjadi.

Beberapa keadaan dari bulan-bulan kebelakang berputar di kepala saya seperti serangkaian potongan gambar yang terkesan acak. Bagaimana saya tertawa, terjatuh, memunguti sisa-sisa kejayaan, bersandar di pundak seseorang, hingga meringkuk sendirian di tempat tidur saya yang berantakan.

Meskipun semuanya acak, saya sekarang mengerti mengapa mereka harus terjadi. Seperti ada sekumpulan garis yang menghubungkan mereka semua, membentuk sebuah pola.

Pola kehidupan saya. Yang hanya saya yang mengerti.


***

Saya membuka jendela untuk menghirup udara di luar dan merasakan tetesan hujan di wajah saya. Lalu, saya berkata pada diri saya sendiri,

"Semua memang tidak mudah. Memang tidak perlu jadi mudah..."




Wednesday, May 11, 2011

sacred forewords.

"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
old time is still a flying,
and this same flower that smiles today,
tomorrow will be dying."--- Dead Poets Society.

***

Sebuah pertanyaan bodoh pernah terlintas di kepala saya, “Apakah orang akan mengingat nama saya ketika saya mati ?” Beberapa orang mentertawakan pertanyaan tersebut, sisanya hanya berkata, “Jangan bicara soal kematian, bad luck, tahu nggak!”

Meskipun tidak puas, saya mengerti. Mungkin mereka hanya tidak tahu jawabannya, dan mungkin saja mulai mempertanyakan hal yang sama di dalam kepala mereka sendiri. Lagipula, bukan kematian yang saya takutkan, bukankan setiap orang akan begitu pada waktunya nanti ? Yang saya takutkan hanya, apakah ketika waktu saya datang, saya telah sempat melakukan hal-hal berguna bagi diri sendiri dan orang lain ?

Gelar Sarjana adalah salah satu, dari sekian banyak hal, yang saya takutkan tidak akan sempat saya raih dalam hidup. Dan, dengan selesainya skripsi ini, luar biasa lega rasanya. Seperti satu langkah lebih dekat, menuju terwujudnya sebuah harapan yang sudah lama saya gantungkan, sebelum waktu saya habis.

Namun sekedar ucapan syukur dan ekspresi lega saya pribadi, rasanya akan sangat tidak berarti, dibandingkan dukungan dari nama-nama di bawah ini, yang sudah selalu siap menyemangati saya dengan caranya masing-masing. Dibalik bermacam emosi kepasrahan hingga ketidak sabaran, sampai akhirnya kemarahan yang dikeluarkan, dalam rangka memastikan saya menyelesaikan tugas akhir ini dengan baik, saya yakin, hanyalah bentuk kepercayaan yang begitu dalam.

Untuk itu, ijinkanlah saya untuk menyebutkan nama mereka satu-persatu, dan dengan rendah hati mempersembahkan ‘karya’ ini sebagai milik mereka juga.

1. Tuhan YME, Allah SWT, the greater power out there, that I believe always works in a mysterious way. Finally, I’ve got your cue, to be a total believer.
2. Rais Atmadja. Seorang ayah, sekaligus partner bertukar pikiran paling tangguh yang pernah saya miliki. Terima kasih untuk selalu berusaha mempercayai saya, di tengah semua kekacauan yang seringkali saya buat. Karya ini saya persembahkan untuk Ayah.
3. Dyah Indrawati. Ibu yang jarang sekali mau mencampuri urusan saya, hanya karena mengerti, saya selalu benci direcoki. Terima Kasih untuk pengertiannya yang tidak pernah usai, dan dukungan yang seringkali buta. Saya yakin karya ini akhirnya selesai berkat doa Mama.
4. Giza Rysdinia. Adik kecil yang sudah mulai beranjak dewasa, dan membuat saya belajar banyak soal mendukung secara diam-diam. Terima kasih untuk selalu berusaha memahami ke-absurd-an hidup saya.
5. Rizky Amalia. Seorang teman baik, juga kakak yang tidak pernah saya miliki. Terima kasih untuk malam-malam kebersamaan yang sedikit banyak membuat saya semakin dewasa, dan akhirnya bisa menemukan kembali tujuan hidup saya.
6. Gilang Adesha. A muse that I’ve never had before. Thank You, you’re the trigger to many big things in my life today, and I hope, ahead.
7. Pak Kunto. Pembimbing yang begitu sabar, dan tidak hentinya menyemangati saya. Terima Kasih untuk bimbingan-bimbingan virtual via twitter dan email, yang menjadi awal dari terjadinya karya ini.
8. Detta Rahmawan. Sahabat sekaligus pengingat saya, bahwa waktu terus berjalan, dan kita tidak boleh berhenti. Terima Kasih untuk obrolan-obrolan kecil yang membesarkan hati saya, dan film-film rare yang selalu jadi hiburan terbaik.
9. Alda Dina Bangun. Teman seperjuangan yang begitu setia di tahun-tahun terakhir ini. Terima Kasih untuk obrolan dan tawa yang tidak pernah berhenti sepanjang perjalanan Bandung-Jatinangor. We finally did it, dude!
10. Alfa Haga, Tophansyah Ali, Tita Puspitasari, Elizabeth Kurnia, Pratita Rani, Lintang Kinasih, Mega Pratama, dan teman-teman Mankom UNPAD 2004. Tentu saja untuk inspirasinya, mengikuti jejak kesuksesan kalian, cepat atau lambat.
11. Maradilla Syachridar, Yafi Alawy, Theoresia Rumthe, Anissa Rilia, Iwan Rahmawan, Decky Danumihardja, dan keluarga besar SKY 90.50 FM, Bandung. Tempat saya berkarya sekaligus bermain. Terima Kasih atas kebebasan yang selalu diberikan, dan tentu saja dukungan yang begitu besar.
12. Zulkifli Tegar Zakaria. Terima Kasih untuk menemani saya dengan sabar di masa-masa transisi twenty something yang sulit. I hope at the end, we could learn something.
13. Teman-teman dari #30HariMenulis; Theoresia Rumthe, Maradilla Syachridar, Dimas Ario, dan Sundea Belaka. Like Dilla once said :” Ginna, you’re so lucky to have friends like us.” Thank you!

14. Dead Poets Society, Michel Gondry, dan Ben Folds. Terima kasih untuk selalu mengingatkan saya, bahwa berbeda itu tidak apa-apa. Yang penting semua berasal dari hati.

15. Dan tentu saja untuk semua pihak yang terlibat dalam pengerjaan karya ini, baik secara emosional maupun lahiriah, yang sangat sulit untuk saya jabarkan satu persatu karena keterbatasan tempat. Terima Kasih banyak!

Lalu, seorang teman menjawab pertanyaan saya, dengan sebuah quotes dari Benjamin Franklin :

"Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing."

Di luar semua keterbatasan dan ketidak sempurnaan dalam skripsi ini, semoga ini menjadi sesuatu yang layak di baca dan berguna bagi siapa saja. Karena pada akhirnya saya mengerti, menyelesaikan skripsi ini, sudah sepantasnya saya lakukan sejak lama. Saya tidak ingin, orang mengingat nama saya, sebagai seseorang yang hanya bisa memulai, tapi tidak bisa menamatkan.

Akhir kata, biarkanlah saya tidur nyenyak malam ini—karena satu kewajiban besar sudah dituntaskan pada akhirnya—untuk esok hari bisa melanjutkan hidup lagi, kemanapun arah kaki melangkah. Tetap dukung saya, ya…!

***

To those who believe in passion, and live to it ‘till the end.
To those who believe in what their heart desires, and built the best of it.
To all the’ free thinkers’, that inspire me to this exclamation day.
Carpe Diem. Seize the day,make your lives extraordinary!

*unedited version of my thesis' forewords*