almost nothing.

Dia terbangun dari tidur dengan perasaan tidak karuan. Mungkin akibat tidurnya memang tidak terlalu nyenyak, mungkin juga akibat satu kata, yang diucapkan begitu saja tepat sebelum ia memejamkan mata. 'Almost'.

***

Selalu ada 'hampir' dalam setiap cerita.
Hampir berkenalan, tapi ternyata si perempuan sudah punya pacar. Hampir jadian, tapi ternyata si laki-laki mundur teratur setelah bertemu calon mertua galak. Hampir menikah, tapi ternyata salah satu mempelai mengalami last minute panic attack, dan membatalkan semuanya. Hampir berhasil bunuh diri, tapi ternyata obat nyamuk yang diminum kurang banyak.


'Hampir' itu mungkin romantis (juga tragis). Tapi untuk dia, 'hampir' itu sudah terlalu basi.

***

Dalam cerita ini, 'hampir' hampir selalu muncul di saat-saat yang tepat--atau mungkin saja tidak tepat. Selalu berhasil mencegah mereka dari apapun yang dia inginkan untuk terjadi.Hampir dipertemukan. Hampir benar-benar menjadi kenyataan. Hampir menjadi satu.

Dan puncaknya pagi tadi. Katanya, "I almost ask you to wait for me."
Dia menjawab, "Just ask me, and I'll wait, whatever it takes."
Lalu, "....".

***

Dia berpikir lagi dan menambahkan, "Maybe you forgot. I've been here all the time. I wait."
Dia tahu, yang dia butuhkan hanya permintaan itu. Karena, jika sudah diminta, itu artinya hanya masalah waktu.

And when the time finally come, then 'almost' is nothing but a silly excuse.

*** 

love-hate : to love and to hate equaly.

And there I am. Sitting unproper on my office cubicle, listening to Adhitia Sofyan's old album, 'Quiet Down'.

As i'm drown into the album, something in it left me with this uncertain feeling. About--euh i hope it could be about someone special, but apparently it's not--Bandung.

Yes, about my complicated love-hate relationship with that city.

***

I opened up my notepad, and i can't even finish what i've been writing. Blame this unromantic not-gloomy-enough city. I want my inspirations back. Where i could find anywhere in the other city. Even when i did nothing, sitting in the dark at my cozy room, or when i'm out with some closest friends, sitting on the corner of a tiny street cafe, drinking a glass of sweet iced tea. The wind breeze, the city light, and the irritating night hour, when everything got closed down straight at 10 PM. The gig, the music, the movement. People with unconventional sense of fashion, bikers, and the dreamers. The street food, the factory outlets, and distros. All the things that i usually hate about that city.

I'm on a sentimental mode, missing my old home like a child.

It's ironic. Because technically, I'm home now. But why i still got a home sick ?

***

Maybe i love Bandung, as much as i hate the plainness and boredoom it sometimes brings. Maybe i don't know how much its worth, until it's gone. Maybe i just miss Bandung, but i don't really want to admit it...

***

The city of flowers been waiting so long
Life too short you could’ve been shot
Remember this time, leave your troubles behind

So here we go we’re going to a place
At the rainbows end to put some colors back on you
Let me be the gold and I will put the shine on you
"City of Flowers-Adhitia Sofyan"

 

*And it remains mystery, why Adhitia Sofyan that reminds me of you (beyond the fact that he made a song about you to cheer up a girl)