Sunday, August 20, 2017

That something I asked you.

“Do you have someone you always think about from time to time?” I asked you. Hoping for a blunt truth that would sting a bit, but felt real.

Then you started to ramble about non-sense, “Yeah, maybe… I guess. I definitely think about some people when going to places I’d been too with them. Some names would come up sometimes.”

“No I mean, one particular person. Someone that you remember so fondly and hatefully, but can do nothing about”

“Umm… No. Some people, some exes, if that’s what you mean… Yeah, maybe... But never one particular name.”

I stayed quite. So did you.

My mind was busy wandering around. Started making ugly accusation of you telling me bullshit just to make me feel guilty of asking at the first place. Because it thought, no way you never encountered someone that marked your life so awfully deep, that this person would creep your mind occasionally, randomly, unguardedly.

But then it decided to make other theory. Maybe not everyone would be able to feel as deep. Maybe some people choose to forgive and forget. Maybe they’re so good at burying things, names in this case, and just let everything slide.

“So, I think I will cut my hair today,” you broke the silence, trying to sound casual. I also knew what else you were trying to do. You wanted to let it slide.

And I did.

“Oh. Okay,” I said. “Just make sure, not too short.”

“Of course…” you answered. “I love you,” you continued. Not an obligatory ‘I-love-you-s’ you sometime say when you are cornered, it was a genuine one.

“I love you, too,” I said it back. Also genuinely. I never lied about that. On some other things maybe. But hey, we can always let it slide.

***
Image: Google


***

“I remember sitting back
'cause you said you had something to say
You told me that you had a secret
Promised to keep it safe
I kept it for you
And there was nothing I could do
and there was nothing I could say
I didn't know why you asked me,
you're gonna do it anyway…” ---Corrine Bailey Rae, on: Young and Foolish














Wednesday, May 17, 2017

A bit about #AgencyLyfe that sometimes bites.


Not the long hours you spent at work, brainstorming something that might save the (clients from saving the) world. Also not the cruel comments, heart-wrecking deadlines, or passive aggressive manners the bosses will throw near the award season.

It's the mind-fuck atmosphere. The world of creative ideas and snob geniuses who rule it. The space that open enough to change any heart, the wind that blows just enough not to give any sane-mind a break.

You'll get really used to it. You'll learn the pace, the speed, the crack, the loose ends. Making excuses to abuse your own self with a judgement of how revolutionary your thoughts were, are and will be. And finally make a self-proclaimed peace that it's okay to feel that you're better than anybody. In the industry. In the country. In the world? Probably in the world you create on your own. Yeah. Because, you know better.

Once you got in, you'll never had the guts to get out. Because what else you know to do better than this? You don't know.

***




Saturday, February 18, 2017

The Imaginary Argument.

"You're not falling in love with me. You're falling in love with the idea of getting married with somebody that possibly be me and could also be anyone else. That scares me."

"You're not afraid of that. You're afraid of falling in love with somebody, wanting to marry him, and the possibility that he could be someone like me. Now, THAT IS scary."

***


I'm an Emotional Tourist.

Exploring depth in people. Visiting parts of their joy and also got to taste the tips of what they fear the most.

I'm an emotional tourist.

Taking adventure through their mountain high of excitements on the daylight. Diving into the sea-bottom of things that sadden them at night.

I'm an emotional tourist.

I'll go find the self-proclaimed peace in their aurora and fight for their roller-coaster wild ambition with them. I'll be the the trail in their hikes, the oasis to their quest. Following their steps to whatever bucket-list they want to tick.

I'm an emotional tourist.

I stay there for a while then I stroll on to another road of emotional tripping. Another depth, another parts, another tips, another mountains, another sea, another oasis, another roller-coaster.

Another place to see the world with a brand new eyes.


***