Saturday, December 19, 2015

The rain, the snow and all the things in between.

The rain drizzled softly all morning. The already cold-enough-for-Jakarta weather influenced the air conditioner to breeze uncontrollably freezing. I couldn’t help but thinking of how that was winter might feels like.


Rain never does the tragic-romantic minds like mine any good.

It’s either the gloomy-mood attack or the sudden urgency to think about life. Not like those two are dreadfully bad nor completely pleasurable that I sometimes can’t handle. But, maybe more to combination of both things that make them seem uncertainly overwhelming.

However for that specific morning, I decided to think about life. Not just because I was gloomy enough already because of certain things at work, but also because I wanted to describe what I had experienced lately.

The roller coaster kind of ups and downs, the eager and the anger, the impalpable laugh and mysterious anxiety. All in very intense form that I’d been forgetting for God knows how long. It was only a silly birthday wish, the intensity. I said I wanted to feel it all, to the level that going to psyched or crush my nerves. And yet now it became real, I felt that I failed to understand.

Perhaps, it was one of those things that aren’t supposed to do anything about, other than just to be felt loose. I told myself, “Don’t think too much, you’ve been doing it for too long.” Then I grinned. Never thought it would be easier to understand just like that.

As easy as how the snow-like rain poured that morning.


I randomly told you all of those right away, as if my thoughts hadn’t been so random ever since.

“I imagine this is how winter would like, Sharky. I want to feel the snow, I want to touch the flakes."
“Winter is way colder than that, Wabbit.”


“Stay tonight, it won't change how we feel
Although its late, I guess I'll give it one more try
Even though it's hard to think, we'll find your keys in the dark
Stay tonight, it won't change anything…”—Panama, on: How We Feel.