Thursday, February 19, 2015

deserve good.

In between cursing the air and puking by the plants, she asks me, “Do I deserve someone good?”
I answer, “Of course honey, of course…”

“But you know… I don’t think I’m good enough as a person to have that…”

Then she pukes again, now on my lap.


Love. The best form of cruelty the universe could offer.

It always starts as something harmless. Well, at least until it makes you dare to raise the expectation. To meet your expectation, you let your other half aware of it. Often by some arguments or even tears. Then you try to work it out, you compromise. But suddenly you feel as if you are not you. You’re tired, you’re worn out. You realise your expectation hasn’t changed ever since and probably it’s not match at all with what your other half wants. You’re now angry. After that sure comes the hate. Hate towards your partner? No.

You hate yourself, that’s when love completely changing into something cautious.


“Don’t question whether you’re a good enough person or not. Ask about how sincere you are in loving other.”

Now she’s holding my hand. And I… I hold hers back.


"For you I was the flame
Love is a losing game
Five story fire as you came
Love is losing game

One I wished, I never played
Oh, what a mess we made
And now the final frame
Love is a losing game..."--Amy Winehouse, from: Love is a Losing Game.


Tuesday, February 3, 2015


They were waiting for a taxi on the side of the road. It was 3 in the morning, and they were still wearing the same outfit from work the day before. She didn’t really know what to say or even what to do. He seemed distant. But it was good she thought. If he touched her, anywhere, even if he did it unintentionally, she would never be able to hold it. She would just ask him to stay. Fucked her to the sun goes up. And she knew, he would say yes.

“Where’s the fucking taxi? It’s not good for a decent girl like me to be seen with a guy like you. Haha,” She said to him, awkwardly. He giggles.

“No decent girl wants to be choked during sex, Darling.”

“Well, decent girl wants to get wild too sometimes, Mister. Still, it’s not good if people see us like this. I mean imagine, my friends or yours, or even worse, our friend, passing by and like… ‘What the fuck are guys doing together?’”

“Yeah. If that’s what happening, let them be. It’s not the shit they should fuzz about. People fuck each other, that’s it.”

“Still! It’s pretty random.”

“Hahaha random. Yeah, random.  Even for me.”


“In terms of girls I’m quite random, I should say. But tonight was way more than that.”

The glimmering eyes she was showing, they suddenly disappeared. Followed by blazing strikes from the taxi’s fog lamps. She got in there in a rush. Insisting him to let her go home all by herself. He kissed her goodbye. She kissed him back, more of an obligatory one, like the thing you think right to do if someone put his hand up for a high-five with you.

Deep inside her, it was kinda hurt. Not to be melodramatic, but she actually felt there were magic for a moment. Or at least, she thought there might be. She was pretty sure. But maybe, it was just random. Pretty random, even for her.



"It's a sad and beautiful world
It's a sad and beautiful world

Sometimes I just won't go
Sometimes I can't say no

It's a sad and beautiful world
It's a sad and beautiful world

Sometimes days go speeding past
Sometimes this one seems like the last"---Sparklehorse, Sad and Beautiful World.