2020: The year of firsts.

Saying good mornings to plants and pet fish, while deciding which pyjamas to wear for today’s zoom meetings. If this is the new kind of normality people are talking about, I’m digging it!

***

It is crystal clear that 2020 is not the best of years. It’s too unpredictable, too volatile to be someone’s favourite. It took too many, also. Jobs, sanity, lives. Not to mention it took away our normality just like that. Like look how many hours I spent in the kitchen now.

Normally, a trip to the kitchen was always about reaching the pantry because I’m hungry in the middle of the night and losing my demons; instant noodles. Or heading straight to the fridge––opening and closing its doors—just because I’m bored––and also hungry, I’m always hungry. 

But now, for the first time ever, I voluntarily go to the kitchen to make food from scratch. Prepping everything fresh with my own two hands instead of ordering in. Spending hours and hours, standing in front of the stove, before I can actually eat something. And I’m doing it without any pressure from anyone. I want to, I’m looking forward to it, sometimes even plan what I want to cook the night before. How that it's normal, I thought.

***

But cooking wasn’t nearly all my firsts in 2020. There also these plants and fish I adopted. Watering them every morning, crying over the ones that can’t make it because of I-don’t-know-what.  Feeding a pair of fish I named Phoenix and Wolfgang, with blood worms. Talking to them, playing some of my fave music to them.

Working from bed. Eating in bed. Sleeping anywhere in the room. Watching underrated animes. Listening to Weezer. Shopping for home wear. Saying hi to my kost neighbour. Smoking a pack a day. Smoking zero pack a week. Scrolling instagram until I sprained my thumb. 

A lot of firsts, a lot of firsts. Overwhelmingly a lot to mention. But I felt great about it. Toxic positivity? Too confused to be depressed? Can’t say. I’d say I just like to have my firsts again. It reminds me of my almighty 20s. Where life seems easy and exciting. Who knows we need 2020 to feel youthful again.

***

The kind of normality like your good morning text. I wish it still meant like the first of them used to be. Good morning, you.

***

"You might think that it's too long

You might think that you're not strong

Was it real or was it fake?

And never call it a mistake

And when it happens late

A little patience all it takes

The road that bends will soon be straight

Good things come to those who wait

Tomorrow turns to yesterday

The sun will rise another day

All your problems go away..."

--Good Things, Zee Avi.