The Almighty Human Heart

Human heart is the almighty of the all might. It could beat for no reason or even all the wrong reasons. It could also beat for one particular person or maybe more than it could handle.

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But human heart, it never weakens, it gets stronger. Even if you let someone took a half of it from you and never came back, it will grow to love again. 

Maybe not for others, but more to yourself.

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Sebuah Surat Terbuka untuk Perempuan Lain.

Apa yang kamu pikir kamu tahu tentang dia?

Sepersekian hidupnya yang dia bagi denganmu? 

Sepersekian cara pandangnya yang kamu pikir segalanya?

Sepersekian ambisi dan cita-citanya yang terdengar memukau di telingamu?

Sepersekian masalahnya, yang kamu pikir bisa selesaikan, semudah berkirim salam dengannya?
Sepersekian cerita-ceritanya yang membuat sepenggal sore di parkiran motor, jadi terasa seperti selamanya untukmu?

Sepersekian waktu sarapan, makan siang dan makan malam, yang kamu pikir bisa jadi keseluruhan waktunya?

Sepersekian kebersamaan yang ingin kamu perlihatkan pada dunia namun tak dia ijinkan?

Sepersekian kisah kami yang kamu tolak untuk pahami?

***

Apa yang kamu pikir kamu tahu tentang dia, hanya sepersekian hal-hal yang tanpa sadar dia bagikan, karena kamu memaksa ada. Tapi aku dan dia––kami––kami berbagi sebuah hal yang lebih besar; cerita tentang masa depan. Yang secara sadar dibangun bersama sejak lama. Yang dengan atau tanpa kamu, nyatanya masih ada.

***

Dan kamu, pulang lah. Di sini tidak pernah dan tak akan pernah ada tempat untuk kerumitan, apalagi untuk yang lain.

"Laras hati

Alirkan diri kembali

Membujur tubuhku

Sejuk pangkuan dirimu

Tak ingin terbungkus

Terbungkus penyesalan

Puing-puing janjiku

Kupugar kembali untukmu

Segala denyut nadi memanggil

Kamulah satu-satunya

Kamulah…"

––Kamulah Satu-Satunya, Dewa 19

[Second] Chances.

About second chance and many other chances in the world. Only a thin line separates them, second chance is earned not given.

***

In life we live on chances.

The ones the universe made falling onto our laps. The ones we take responsibly, because we know they have to be worked on. The ones with consequences on their own, even if it’s still mysterious to be known.

In life, sometimes we also live on second chances.

The ones we take from those who still have the courage to believe in us. The ones we take with a humility and care, knowing they have to be earned. The ones with consequences on their own, clearly just because we know we blew up those firsts and we can’t afford to blow it up again.

Chances and second chances. The same, yet completely different. There are kindness in both of them. Only, in second chances, there are forgiveness that make them harder to be carried around.

***

I kept thinking about how many second chances people deserve to take. How many a person deserve to give. What if second chance is never meant to be pleural?

***

"Tried to rewrite things and go back

to the part where things were alright

Wish you tell me don't wanna love me from the start

Now why don't you just turn back if you can't love me when we're down
Back to you
Will never feel the same, i think it's time
To let go
Every broken things that we are..."

––Don't (Love Me) - Coldiac

The sacred trifecta of relationship.

Relationship is all about, love, trust & lust. Like most of trifectas in this world—I believe all things has its own—it’s a myth to get the equilateral triangle. 

***

Working in a creative industry made me quite aware with the concept of ‘sacred trifecta’. We weren’t using it just to convince stubborn clients on budget or deadlines, it’s a real thing. Quality, time & budget, those are the main aspects that determine the output. And—like all the good things in this world—you can’t have it all.

You want maximum quality? Put extra time, in tight budget. Or vice versa. Limited budget in a time constrain, say good by to quality. That simple. There is no such a thing as cheap, fast and good creative output. It’s easy, you tighten some, you loose some. Fair and simple, no?

***

To me, the relationship is something that has quite similar concept. You want the quality relationship that makes love last longer? Put the trust first, and you can take it easy in the lust factor—not having sex in a while is okay. Or when the trust is somehow evaporates, let lust be the first intuition—ever heard of make up sex? 

That simple? Maybe, yes. Fair? Not really. 

Of course we expect relationships to be perfect, equal, balance. Unconditional love, full of trust, and lusty thrusting—yea you know what I mean. But so they say, expectation is the root of all disappointments. You just had to realised that you CAN NOT have it all. And that’s why trifecta is invented—I guess. 

But the thing is with the sacred trifecta, it’s not rigid, it’s dynamic. Adjust along the way as you need it to be. Don’t be a stubborn client that fixated on one aspects only or even worse, the greedy ones that want to stretch everything. 

***

Image taken from: here.

Hey, where’s the place for a little magic, moments and grand gestures?
Well, I think there’s another set of trifecta for that—the soulmate sacred trifecta. ;p

Masalahnya tentang rindu.

Masalahnya tentang rindu adalah jika dia yang dirindukan sama sekali tak merasakan. Dan rindu yang bertepuk sebelah tangan, tak ada yang lebih menyakitkan.

***

Seandainya rindu punya jadwal, dia tak akan datang diam-diam.

Seandainya rindu punya tanda, dia tak akan datang di saat terlengah.

Seandainya rindu punya aturan, dia tak akan datang mengetuk di tengah malam.

Seandainya rindu punya warna, dia pasti ungu tua seperti adukan berbagai jenis rasa.

Seandainya rindu punya bau, dia pasti wanginya seperti percampuran tanah saat hujan dan tembakau yang terbakar setengah.

Seandainya rindu punya bentuk, dia akan terus melebar seperti tetesan air mata yang jatuh di atas bantal tak terkendali.

Seandainya rindu bisa mendengar,

Akan kusuruh dia menyelinap ke mimpimu.

Dan lalu kamu pun mengerti,

Tak enak rasanya rindu sendiri.

***

Masalahnya tentang rindu adalah dia pilih kasih.

Dia hanya datang untuk mereka yang tengah patah hati.

***

"Tenggelam aku di rupamu

Ke palung rindu yang tersemu

Tak ada ruang yang tersisa dalam sendu

Tersimpan batas saat sayu mengadu

Kuingin kepadamu..." 

--Danilla, 'Terpaut oleh Waktu'

A freeloader.

It has been sunny all day, but then the rain pours down as if the sky understands what I feel. I’ve been holding up, but then I can’t help but burst all the tears down.

***

She woke up with dizzy fuzzy head. Puffy eyes too, her eyes were sore. Not that she cared. The only one that stung so bad she couldn’t ignore was inside her chest. The place where she put him so deeply, so dearly.

So deep, until sometimes it’s hard to reach in and express the feeling the way it should. So dearly, until intentions to smother him near were the only thing that came out.

She knew she couldn’t blame him.

He was just too nice, too warm, too cozy. Too everything that made her feel welcomed every time they locked eyes.

But that morning she realised one thing. That she had overstayed her welcome. She was a free-loader. Came knocking his door with nothing to give in arms and asking for so much in return.

She also knew, ‘now’ was too late to offer him anything back, except the space she occupied for too long in him. So she walked out through the door. Trying to hold it all together until the time he decides to open up again.

***

I look up to the sky. Hoping I would be able to send you my sorry through it.
I'm sorry, I truly do.

***

"All I have, I will give to you
In dark times when no one wants to
I will give you me
And we'll be
Us

All I have, I will give to you
In dark times when no one wants to
I will give you me
And we'll be
Us
And there's no one else

Who knows me
Like you do
All I've done, you've done too
The walls I
Hide behind
You walk through
You just walk through

Well I know all the words
To take you apart
You know I know you're hurt
I want to mend your heart
You're broke down
Why don't you tell me from the start?
You know I know you're hurt
I want to mend your heart
And there's no one else."

--Our Song, The XX.

Ada yang aneh

Ada yang aneh dengan caramu memandang dunia.
Seolah semuanya tak berdosa dan tanpa cela.

Ada yang salah dengan caraku memahami dunia.
Seperti tak ada alasan untuk berprasangka baik padanya.

Aku. Kamu.

Bertemu di satu-satunya kesamaan yang kita punya.
Bahwa di sini adalah tempat kita menumpangkan hidup.
Berpegang pada bahu satu sama lain,
berharap kita tidak akan pernah harus belajar memandang dan memahami
dunia seorang diri lagi.

Pinterest.com

***

"I hope to be around 

The day we grasp in truth 

The nature of mind 

Befriending time, in truth 

In a midway I stand where many stood Only to come home again..."

--Men I Trust

That something I asked you.

“Do you have someone you always think about from time to time?” I asked you. Hoping for a blunt truth that would sting a bit, but felt real.

Then you started to ramble about non-sense, “Yeah, maybe… I guess. I definitely think about some people when going to places I’d been too with them. Some names would come up sometimes.”

“No I mean, one particular person. Someone that you remember so fondly and hatefully, but can do nothing about”

“Umm… No. Some people, some exes, if that’s what you mean… Yeah, maybe... But never one particular name.”

I stayed quite. So did you.

My mind was busy wandering around. Started making ugly accusation of you telling me bullshit just to make me feel guilty of asking at the first place. Because it thought, no way you never encountered someone that marked your life so awfully deep, that this person would creep your mind occasionally, randomly, unguardedly.

But then it decided to make other theory. Maybe not everyone would be able to feel as deep. Maybe some people choose to forgive and forget. Maybe they’re so good at burying things, names in this case, and just let everything slide.

“So, I think I will cut my hair today,” you broke the silence, trying to sound casual. I also knew what else you were trying to do. You wanted to let it slide.

And I did.

“Oh. Okay,” I said. “Just make sure, not too short.”

“Of course…” you answered. “I love you,” you continued. Not an obligatory ‘I-love-you-s’ you sometime say when you are cornered, it was a genuine one.

“I love you, too,” I said it back. Also genuinely. I never lied about that. On some other things maybe. But hey, we can always let it slide.

***

Image: Google

***

“I remember sitting back

'cause you said you had something to say

You told me that you had a secret

Promised to keep it safe

I kept it for you

And there was nothing I could do

and there was nothing I could say

I didn't know why you asked me,

you're gonna do it anyway…” ---Corrine Bailey Rae, on: Young and Foolish